The Next Chapter

Today begins construction, today begins rebuilding; not only of my long neglected apartment, but of my life, which I can finally put back together again. And so it’s time to make plans for the future. (Along with a special note for a certain someone at the end).

It’s 6:10am, the birds call their morning song. The gentle hum of the Nespresso machine pours an amber lungo shot into my daily mug, filling my home with that earthy and inviting smell of morning. I am calm, collected and ready for today, tomorrow and every moment beyond this great fight I have endured for so many years.

First and foremost, I have returned to creating again. My plans to write my first novel are now well underway and will continue in earnest. I have a reading list, for research and pleasure; to take stock in what is successful in my chosen genre and what I still have to learn.

Some books I am reading (and re-reading):

All the Light We Cannot See, The Nightingale, Code Name Helene, A Train in Winter. Fictional subjects include the Liberation of Paris, and the battles leading up to it. I will also be extensively researching the French resistance, how they communicated, where they hid, how they organized to give people hope.

Most importantly I have plans to travel to Paris, at least initially to perform primary research and later to sublet from a friend in the XVé arrondissement during the manuscript phase. I believe that a strong outline and being well researched is a necessary requirement for a strong first draft. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t just as interested in subletting that cute little studio I found in the Marais, and if it is available, having my own place rather than a bedroom may be the perfect option. Knowing this area’s history makes it the more compelling area to write from, even if the fifteenth is equally historic, if not a bit more touristy.

In the interim, with this fight off my plate I turn as well to continuing health. I am nearly seven months sober from alcohol with no plans to ever return. I recently quit vaping as well, an unfortunate habit I turned to when I first quit drinking in order to quell the anxiety of being around others who would continue to imbibe. I no longer feel that anxiety, and so I threw all those pens in the trash and finally surmounted the cravings. I have returned to daily exercise, and with my bedroom soon available again I will have access to a rowing machine and stationary bike. I will also be subbing as a defensive wingback in a women’s soccer league and full time participant as starting pitcher alongside my teammates and friends for Sunday kickball.

I have plans to host creative parties, including an SNL themed Halloween and in the interim, with my friend and neighbor Paul, co-host an NFL kickoff pool party and end of summer affair. I’ll be in charge of the mocktails.

My neighbor from Chile and I enjoy painting together. She inspires me to actually complete what I start, for I am such a perfectionist that I often lose interest in my work when it is seemingly not good enough. But practice is key to getting better, not giving up. Speaking of practice, my Swiss neighbor will be giving me cello lessons again so I may decide whether I wish to invest in a cello of my own. It’s fast become my favorite instrument. I have also gotten into classical guitar and acoustic song writing, and have been bookmarking YouTube lessons, but I need to purchase an acoustic guitar first (perhaps a Martin that I’ve always wanted to celebrate the conclusion of this ordeal in my life).

There is so much joy in abundance right now and I am grateful. My settlement conference is set to take place in October, with the trial moved out to March, 2026 (and hopefully unnecessary). The fight I undertook these last few years has built tremendous character in me but now is the time to enjoy the fruit of my labors. Not only will my unit be brought up to correct standard, but so too will all the other units and the building. I have had neighbors, some of whom are HIV-positive, veterans, retirees on pensions, come up to me tearful, and thankful that they will finally have fair housing. Those of the people I fought for, and continue to fight for by informing other and passing the torch to others eager to lead. I have accomplished a great victory here, and I need to go enjoy my life now free from the negative energy of fighting uphill for years. I will always be available to tenants here, even if I take more of a backseat while things are brought up to standard.

This last part is quite personal and directed at a single audience member, who may or may not elect to read this post; James. So if you’re not that person, thank you for reading this far and I hope you have a wonderful day…

James, it’s been years since we have last spoken, and so much has changed in that time. To be honest, I was caught by surprise to see that you still occasionally interact with me in that oh so creatively passive way. But if you have forgiven me when I least deserved it, entertaining conversation and mentorship with me, then I would hope you would forgive me when I most deserve it. I have changed so much, and have so much more to offer now, not as a mentee but as a friend. This power balance between us is greatly reduced, and even if it will always exist to an extent, even just due to our age-gap. We are two human beings that for one reason or another dance around this strange form of interaction to some unknown end.

The truth is, and I have avoided saying this for years even if it has been obvious at times, I desire not just friendship but also the chance at intimacy. The sapiosexual in me has always been attracted to your intelligence, and physically as well. I am not looking for anything commitment-wise, but just to have fun and see where things may wind up. At the very least know that if this is not something you want, I would be nothing but respectful whether that is your choice or because you are in a relationship. I strongly believe that there is a strange connection between us, and as a buddhist and spiritual person, something logic cannot describe but that the universe seems to beg. Something is there, and because of our past I cannot be the one that breaks this stalemate. That is something only you can do, whether now, tomorrow, months from now. You know how to reach me, even if you’d just prefer to follow on Twitter again, and strike up a casual convo via DM. But reach out, because I want to share that best version of myself with you, whether as a friend, or something more, because I will always adore you and would be so grateful to have you be apart of this journey in whatever capacity you wish to be.

MK