If Jaws were made today.
***
Teaser trailer.
Bad Bunny’s ‘La Canción’ plays over…
A packed Martha’s Vineyard beach on the fourth of July. A helicopter flies overhead…
Patrons line up to the Dunkin’ Donuts product placement canteen for iced lattes.
Enter Eugene Levy as Mayor Vaughn, gesticulating wildly “it’s going to be a great summer!”
The Hans Zimmer score kicks in with great suspense
An old beater of a boat, the Orca cuts through choppy seas…
“Starring Chris Pratt as Chief Brody.” Pratt stands solemnly along the shore line, when something catches his attention:
A giant CGI shark swimming in water with the pixelation of a 2006 video game!
“Jack Black as Quint.” Jack Black pushes the Orca to its limits. He shakes his head, hair flopping wildly, tongue out like Gene Simmons.
“And Timothée Chalamet as Hooper.” Chalamet, pouting, stares out at the fake water.
Back at the shore: Pratt runs through a crowded beach full of AI extras, “everyone get out of the water!”
Fast vignette cuts with loud building bangs matching each frame
Sabrina Carpenter screams for help, scantily clad in a yellow swimsuit.
Trailer bang
Martha Stewart sips a Dunkin’ latte next to Ben Affleck.
Trailer bang
Tom Brady throws a football at it from the beach.
Trailer bang
Jack Black punches the shark in the face. “Boo Ya! Ha ha ha!” Beat.
Trailer bang
Our main shark is now joined by several other baby sharks, swarming the Orca in pixelated CG terror…
Our trailer bang reaches a booming prolonged crescendo
Chalamet terrified, but still somehow pouting.
End vignette cuts
Zoom in on Pratt beside him: “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.”
The Zimmer score cuts out to the intro of ‘Rock n’ Roll’ by Led Zeppelin
Our title appears over deep blue water with a weird AI hue.
“Jaws: Resurrection, a Michael Bay film. In theaters this summer.”
The blue water turns red with Mortal Kombat blood.
Fade to black.
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